Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
