You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
