i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Everclear isn't food dammit
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
