if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
