I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
