Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
