I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we made out on top of his cat.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is my gift to your gina
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
