he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
