Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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