You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
