i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
