Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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