he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
