I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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