he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
