dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
