dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
