Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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