"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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