cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
