He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
