dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
