I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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