i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
