Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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