"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
