I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
