i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize