He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
