i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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