overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
