Do you still have your period?
I think I died a long time ago.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
