I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
