Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
