I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
