she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
