It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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