My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize