you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
