Tell her she can't have a vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
