NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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