i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
