I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize