Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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