i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
