you traded sex for a burrito?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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