the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
