WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So squirting runs in the family.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
