I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize