everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
