apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
