Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
