remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
