i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
