last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
