Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
