Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
