I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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