my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
