I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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