I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
