you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
