What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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