When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
