i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
