You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
