Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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