she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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