cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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