i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
