My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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