I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
