We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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