I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
