you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
