Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize