I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
