im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
