I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
