this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
