Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
