i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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