I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
