I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
