I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
