dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
