But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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