once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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