I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
