Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
