My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sobbing to NWA
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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