New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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