just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
