Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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