Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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