he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize