ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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