oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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