You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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