Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
